( An afternoon in three parts. Part 1 )

I have been having a lot of fun with Fallout3 the last few weeks. I've already started looking for my next pastime, though, and I think I've found it.

Left 4 Dead. Cooperative zombie survival. I just need a friend or two to get it (I'm looking at you, Darren), and I can see the Winter passing by in the blink of an eye.

Last week I wrote a post about wanting to buy stuff. Any stuff. Lots of stuff. Well I didn't buy lots of stuff. Instead I bought lots of sushi. However, I did buy one thing. I bought me this little gem of gamer geekery. Well it arrived today. It's HUGE!

Today went from craptastic to awesome in under 3 hours. Tonight I'm going to the Rose and Thistle with my friends, then I'm coming home and sleeping. And yes, god dammit, tonight I will sleep. It will be a satisfying end to a great day, and I will be denied such a fitting closure to my day by something as stupid as "biology."

China�s Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is

Let me give a mighty FUCK YOU to the awful travel coordinator over at Davita Dialysis. I was just on the phone for an hour, and I found a dialysis unit that will take me. The funniest part -

IT'S A DAVITA UNIT.

Yeah, after calling Fresenius units who wouldn't talk to me, to RAI units which would deal with me, but were full, a friendly tech over at UCI (their dialysis unit doesn't take travelers, only permanent transfers) gave me the number for Tustin Dialysis. Turns out that unit is a Davita unit, and they do, in fact, have a spot available.

The only downside is the days I'll be scheduled - Tuesday and Thursday. Yes, I'll be dialysing on Thanksgiving, but I will be dialysed. That's what's important.

Well my plans for Thanksgiving may be well and truly fucked. Davita (the company that owns the dialysis unit I go to now) just called me back (after calling them 8 days ago) to tell me they can't fina unit a unit for me to go to in SoCal. Awesome. I've started calling other units in the area, and so far all I've been told is, "Have your unit's social worker call us." Yeah, I leave on Sunday. If the social worker isn't in tomorrow I am out of luck, and even if she is in she has to find a unit that has room on such short notice.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

Thanks nova_akropola for reminding me that The Onion exists.

This one goes out to my aunt:


Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

There is an article on Suicidegirls written by Wil Wheaton (remember him?) that really stuck in my head when I read it. Here is a link. I wrote a response to it, which is really an abridged version of what I was feeling. I'll cut and paste it here because I'm tired and lazy.

( My response )

Maybe tomorrow or Monday night if I'm feeling more in the mood for typing I'll write out something longer. I could never think of where to begin to describe the effect computer and video games have had on my life, and on me as a person. Thankfully Suicidegirls and Wil Wheaton may have given me the opening I was looking for.

I want to buy stuff. Lots of stuff. I don't know why. Call it the Christmas spirit arriving early. Maybe The Man is broadcast subliminal messages through my tv to help boost the economy. Maybe I have too much free time. I dunno, but I really want to buy stuff. Dumb stuff. Blue Ray dvd players, and new keyboards, and comic books, and an X-Box 360 and zombie monkey plush toys. If it costs money, I want to pay for it. I even paid Comcast $100, and the bill isn't even due until the middle of next month. Maybe I need new shoes? I could definitely use some more t-shirts. The house could use some more silverware, too.

Oh man, so much to buy. Maybe I'll just sit here and look at the all the things I could spend money on. That will keep me from actually buying anything.

OMG! Go science go!

When I started on dialysis they told me the average lifespan of a person on hemo without a transplant was 3-5 years. Around the 4 year mark they raised the life expectancy of hemo patients to possibly 20 years thanks to new technology and improved methodology.

I consider all this a fine example of the way I look at my life - I have the best luck for someone with shitty luck. Had I gone on dialysis 3 years earlier I might be dead. Had I been born in any other decade before the one I was born, I would be dead. It seems I am always inches away from catastrophe. The circumstances are always bad, but never as bad as they could be. The car accident, for example. Some people looked at the photos of the car wreck and think I should have died. I broke my leg, and even that, if the break had been a few millimeters north could have resulted in, at the very least, an artificial hip. Quite possibly it could have resulted in amputation of my leg.

I just need to evade death a little longer. Maybe a few more months; a few more years. It's a tricky life, and a stressful one, but I tell myself if I can just hold out a little longer amazing things will result.

And if they don't, fuck it. There are always good video games to play.

Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology.

Every day brings me closer to my dream of a cyborg existence.

ow. I've been trying to think of wordier ways to write out what I'm going through, but all I can come up with is... ow. My leg is healing slowly. It doesn't look good either. The incision looks pretty puffy still, and it really aches. Infection has crossed my mind, and has managed to stay stuck in my mind since while I rapidly approach 24 hours without sleep. Mostly though I'm just thinking ow.

In the kitchen now are all the ingredients for making spaghetti. I will illustrate my thought process as I walked the aisles of the grocery store: "Ok... ow... I need tomato juice... ow, tomato paste... ow, garlic, onion, ow fuck this sucks, maybe some more Starburts since I'm here anyway, fuck me I want to stop walking, and some hot dogs." 30 more minutes of pain. I'm taking it easy on the oxycodone. I took some twice today, which is a 200% increase over most days. Tomorrow morning I call the doctor to get in and make sure things are going ok in there. With my track record regarding plastic implants I want this thing kept an eye on.

Ok, I'm going to try and sleep now.

So there I am, playing Fallout 3, minding my own business, when I stumble upon a building in the game world: The Dunwich Building. Could it be? A Lovecraft reference in a post-apocolyptic RPG? It's the peanut butter and chocolate of fiction; two great tastes that taste great together. My curiosity aroused I began my search of the zombie infested Ruins of Old Dunwich.

It was fun. For the first time in I don't remember how long I was really creeped out by a video game. Good work Bethesda. I will be sleeping with a light on for weeks.

I'm adding another word to my growing internet lexicon:

aggrophobia - noun - fear of being too close to monsters, or other hostile entities.
example: My aggrophobia keeps me from exploring castles, sewers, or caves.

I have installed my new video card. This one. I chose that model because I've been reading good things about Palit, and their cooling solutions. 4850s run hot normally, but this card runs at 40c with 10% fan speed. With AMD overdrive to control the fan speed it's easily overclocked.

The change is noticeable from my 8800gt. Color is much more vivid, and games that were running at bearable frame rates at High settings are now running comfortably at Ultra. I'm looking at you, Fallout 3.

I got new tech to play with. I r in geek heaven.