"Hey, backwoods retard -- not now, not ever."

"3.00 x 10^8 m/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW."

"Cookies need love like everything does."

"As easy as 3.14159265..."

"If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it."

"After hearing that speech every thinking American is going to vote for you." (--listener) "Thank you very much, but that isn't enough; I need a majority. (--Adlai)"

"Even a frustrated chicken shouldn't vote for Colonel Sanders."

"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish."

"In Soviet Russia, hot chicks want you!"

"Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it."